Methods Of Escape

by soulseekeraven

ImageI am stuck in a place in life that I feel lost in, so lost I cant comprehend if I am truly “Walking by Faith and Not by Sight. I feel like I am losing my religion and gaining more faith all at the same time. Its confusing, its harrowing, and its a haunted manner to try to exist inside yourself when you don’t love who you are or what you didn’t or did become. I keep trying to find ways to escape these places and times, but find my methods are just numbing it away. I need the Razor, I need to get High, I need to purge away the feelings of despair and inadacuncy. I don’t feel like my prayers are being answered in ways that I cant explain, but there my prayers for the persons around me and I feel lost with the prayers I have been praying so long for myself. The surrendered dreams I have given to God and all the pain I have walked through…Am I being molded into something that Christ wants? Is this a test of faith, a test of character? I feel like I am at my weakest and therefor should have The Lord save me and shelter me in the shadow of his wings. I want to run and not grow weary, walk and not faint…I need to redirect my focus onto what matters…but I cant get past the aching pain, the dull throb of a broken heart. I feel overtaken spiritually and its a long and narrow road to heaven and out of this place I am in.