Hold On

by soulseekeraven

I am trying to Hold On to Faith in My life right now, through things that are difficult to interpret in fashions and manners. I am dealing with a physical illness that’s taken all of my 20s away from me, its called High P.O.T.S and Bechets Syndrome. I am tired all of the time and have a hard time staying awake through things that normal persons do everyday without thinking about it. I am trying to understand what I should do about getting well enough to go back to College for what I started out to be….Which is a Therapist for Persons with Eating Disorders and other Mental Illnesses. I keep thinking I wont be good enough at this Career and that I will end up to sick to go to work and do the things I will need to for my Patients. I think about all the things I need to do and how I need to Focus this Goal with Jesus and see through His Perspectives. Its not about me its about what God wants me to do with my life and that’s something I have thought about for quite awhile. I cant understand why I do the things I do in other shapes and Fashions….Like why I still act on my own Eating Disorder when I want to help persons with them. I know a lot about them and have completed my English and Psychology in College already…So I have perspectives on what I need to do to get well myself. I just think there is a line of being sick and not sick. Its hard to explain, but I do believe some persons must live with a type of Eating DIsorder in order to overcome anxiety and be able to live in society as themselves, themselves. I don’t want to take persons lifes away from them and make them live in a Fashion that is not who they truly are. I want to help people learn to live with their eating disorder in a healthy way, I want to treat Chronic Anorexia and Bulimia and help people not die from it, but embrace themselves through finding their IDENTITY. Its something I have worked on myself and found that I can live with Anorexia in a different sort of way. Maintaining a healthier weight and eating for my health and not taking it to the level of wanting to be the thinnest and also not wanting to disappear from life, but instead want to really live Life for God and surrender the things we dream about so deeply into His Hands and the Hands of Our Savior Jesus Christ. It makes sense to me and has helped me immensely with things in my own life, getting through things like Bipolar I Disorder and also through things that are very spiritually disturbing. I have had to fight a lot for my own beliefs in ways I cant always explain to other people. If you believe in Good then you know that there is much evil in the world as well. And for me Faith is about the fight between the good and the bad and how to stay on the true side rather then the sinnered side. I hope that makes some sense in all that I have spun out of control through writing how I truly feel in this very moment. Much Love Always Kasienka. Hold On To The Hope LIfe Will Turn Around Through Gods Grace.