soulseekeraven

I traveled a thousand miles…My Blood For God

Month: November, 2013

Leaving EveryThing Behind…

ImageI am wondering what I should do with myself…I don’t want to leave this place I am in. I don’t want to lose the same things you have lost to something I don’t understand yet. And I did see the terror in your face and the fear of something that is  much bigger then myself. It scared me to see you as someone I have never seen before right before my blackened eyes. For they were with me, taking me over with delusionals. I was screaming to you don’t bring this love down…I didn’t want to lose you in the way I did, to things that are far bigger then us. I want to be in this place I call A House Without Chains. That means I want to be enveloped within all of your spirit day and night. Please I ask take my fate into your hands my Guardian Angel, because I am so curious and need to see…Things that keep seeping into me like poison. The Lord tells me to be quiet and rest and I cant stop staying awake, dancing side by side with the demons within me. Manic depressive disorder and the only time I feel normal is when I have shot up my pills into little boxes of ticky tackys. I long to be with you cant you hear me crying God? Cant you hear me screaming for this Love. I feel so untouched, I feel so unloved in ways that make no sense, its because I crave something I cant have, hes my drug and so is the Lord…The Lord Jesus is calling me and I have to take the step and follow the road, take up my cross and follow and carry my burdens. And I don’t know how to walk that road the one I have surrendered to God on. I have fallen to my knees and all the way to the ground just to find out how weak I really am, but no weak enough to be healed, still strong enough to  have to keep fighting as something I cant share, a soul seeker. One that’s young and looking for something that she needs to know to become who she really is. She has illusions in front of her and broken dreams surrounding her what does she do? I feel like I am breathing again when I think about him. I feel like l am living again when I push the drugs into my body. I got it under control…I got it under control. All that’s real is faded like a pain killer I have taken. Its time to medicate like a broken dream because I am incomplete and your love is the missing piece. Amen. Amen. Amen.

 

A House Without Chains

I am pulled a thousand miles from home in the cross fire of empty bullets…at war with my body night and day…being tortured in ways that a woman under the oath of salvation never should…I cry out Jesus Saves Me and to my dismay not even the Lird can fix this Chained Home. Can I be ressurected into a persons that is like a mosaic beautiful yet scared in ways that make no sense to me at all. I hope to find myself through this spiritual conquest I am about to embark on. Amen. Amen. Amen. Love Soul Seeker Raven.

Far from joy

I am sitting here listening to the music my heart plays for the persons I am so very in love with. I can’t be with them but I so long too in time and space. What should a soulseeker do when she can’t have the man she so dearly loves? I keep thinking about falling apart all over in pieces and patches. Could he repair me then? Could he take me one thousand miles to the long and narrow road to heaven to get back the soul I have surrendered to Our Father just to touch his heart and make him feel me in ways I can’t feel anymore..just pain it covers me in ways I can’t explain. I cry out to the stars save us before its too late…amen.amen. Amen. Love Kasienka

Steven LevenKron Patient

I am thinking about how much I want to do something I shouldn’t do anymore…And that would be cut my left arm with my boxed razor…A special razor fit just to cut myself when I feel I can no longer take the pressure and pain of being a manic depressive persons. Most people don’t understand what its like to be a very religious persons in a liberal persons body…A Gay Gay woman’s body…One that has been Anorexic since she was in the third grade and is now in some state of disgust at herself for weighing way more then she ever has all do to the suedo recovery movement! I am so tired of persons trying to be people they are not and how badly persons are  judged for trying to escape pain in the only ways they know how to. What happened to the 90s and Gia Heroin Chic? I would like to know why we are all running around reading books by Hazeldan and trying to recovery in ways that are no possible? I have been bettering myself through psychoanalyzing features and fashions for way to long now and the sick think is I crave it more then I ever have. I want to see a therapist and spew out word vomit all over the place its the only place to vent how one truly feels. I am such a Steven Levenkron Patient and I don’t need help for it I need Help undoing all that Evangilism has poured forth onto me, making me think that I am such a terrible persons for being a bisexual who truly speaks her mind about how she feels about life and just wants to be in love with the spirit she is seeking with her soul and all she has go give in Love and War. Amen. Amen. Amen. Love Always Kasienka

Surrender My Soul